does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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