Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
