And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you had me at cake vodka
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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