Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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