we have pet lesbian snakes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
