My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
