you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Your cock deserves a montage
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
