My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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