even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize