dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
