fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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