just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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