I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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