I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
