woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
well you can't waste a boner
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
