It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
