Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sext me about skeletons
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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