if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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