my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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