I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
