THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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