I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
