I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This baby is an asshole
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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