I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
