i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
