I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
