apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
