i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
