i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
