Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
