Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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