just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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