Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
