im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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