Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
