my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
