Three words: puerto rican gang bang
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
