Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
