Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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