How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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