You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
