Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
