overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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