puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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