I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
