Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
