What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
