i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
