I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
