May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize