What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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