There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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