i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize