I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
