I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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