Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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