I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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