just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
