I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
