I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
