what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
