I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have post one night stand depression
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