Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
