I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize