My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
