I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
