So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
