My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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