Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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