so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
