Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
