You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
