I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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