If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
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