youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
